Monday, May 28, 2012
MY THOUGHTS & FEELINGS: SEARCHING FOR ONESELF: ITS LIFETIME PURPOSE
MY THOUGHTS & FEELINGS: SEARCHING FOR ONESELF: ITS LIFETIME PURPOSE: Good Morning! I was 9 years old when I started feeling weird about my life doing different things comparatively to others. I did my assi...
SEARCHING FOR ONESELF: ITS LIFETIME PURPOSE
Good Morning!
I was 9 years old when I started feeling weird about my life doing different things comparatively to others. I did my assignments (except for drawing ones) on my own, I spoke for myself, I stroved for excellence. I talked to people if needed and I never tried cheating that includes assignments and examinations. In short, I am not that friendly and kinda loner. I always choose my friends. I might be talking to you nicely but befriending someone is entirely out of the picture.
When I felt that weird kind of thing, I felt the need to continue doing it. I knew at that point, a lot of people would hate me and worst curse me for being so indifferent. I already accepted that fact because I know I could not please everyone. The moment I stood up in front of them being different is already something I can say am proud of. Those moments of triumph and laugh are considered to be one of my strengths to continue life. But sometimes, it is not all about triumphs and laughs, there are failures, bereavement, fears, pains and tears. When my father had left us, my family is never complete. He was diagnosed with cancer. There was a glimpse of hope for my father because he had lived more than what the doctors had predicted. But then again, he stopped medication when he felt stronger that we never thought it would come back. I felt deprivation of my rights to continue seeing my father. What I thought was, I never doubted God's plans for me and I never asked him why He had let my father die at my early age of 14. It was really hard for me knowing that we were not that close but it was my mother who felt the hardest way on how to carry on. I have seen how she cried many times, how she had loved my father, how that bereavement cause her a lot of pains. Though life at that point was miserable, she stood for what was right. She continued what was supposed to be done and that is to be strong for us. I am glad God gave them to me as my parents. This was the start of my quest to search my own life's purpose.
I did not know where to start with, how to deal with less important things and how to deliver a well-rounded life amidst problems being faced at that point in time. There were a lot of times in this life that I thought I would give up. It was that time after my father's death that I felt like I did not need to eat a lot. So, I had ulcer and took medication for like a month or two. Due to my father's death, I forgot to focus on my studies. I forgot that I had a life to care for. The thing is, I was haunted by the fact that I never gave myself a chance to be so close to my father. There were instances of failing some of my subjects when I was in Junior Year. And because of being preoccupied of my loss, there were a lot of tardiness in school. There were even a point that my mother had to go in school to talk to our school principal because of tardiness. My mother called my attention about it and she knew what I was going through. Instead of acting like an angry mother, she showed me mercy by talking things over. And we got things going. From then on, things went great as if nothing happened. I was able to pass my Junior Year and I had promised one thing to myself - "I will do my best and will make my own mark.". My senior year was my best year in high school getting a lot of recognition from my classmates, professors and mentors. New doors were opened for me to become who I wanted to be. And I succeeded in making my dream come true - "To Be The Best That I Can Be".
The quest for searching is now onboard. College was my epicenter of success as far as schooling is concerned. Thanks to all my mentors and professors in high school who made me feel special in my own way. They never doubted that I could become someone as witty as anybody else. I outsmarted my classmates in various aspects and I finished in Dean's List on my first and second years in college. On my Junior and Senior years, I was no longer part of the Dean's list elite students because I focused more on taking summer subjects. I was predicted to finish Cum Laude but due to bad circumstances, I wasn't able to fight for what was due for me. I had let them ruin my dream at that point in time. But of course, I should never put all the blame to them. What I should have asked by then was, "What have I done wrong?". The momentum was almost there but it was altered right at that very moment of trial. I felt like I was persecuted that I was deprived of my right to become happy and tell the world that I can truly become one great person in my own way. Some of my true friends were there to console me. I did my best to fight for my right but it was not enough. I did not fight till the very end. I am glad I was able to try though. I am glad to prove myself one good reason to smile - "God is always there guiding me wherever I am and whenever I need Him.".
Can you imagine life without love? I could when I was passing through the challenges I have had in my entire journey of education life. I knew for a fact at that early stage of my life that love is only given solely to my family and friends. Love for a special someone is the last resort I had in mind while taking that journey. I was up to the challenges and I had no time to think of love because I forsee love as something that you should not only feel but your other half; And that is the person that you're going to love.
I struggled myself finding myself a job; A job that I could call mine. I mean a job that is worth of my time. It took me a year to finally find a job. And the feeling of having one is like being in love in its own concept. The immeasurable thing that could happen while being in love with your job is the time when you learn to dislike what you're doing. I had 5 jobs so far in this life. And I think I am on the edge of losing the chance of finding myself to what I call, "Happiness". So, before this thing is gone, I told myself, "I wanna go to a place where I could marvel at some things. A peaceful place I never got the chance to go to." This need of fulfilling the search for myself and my happiness and it's lifetime purpose in this life is what I have been dying to do. It's just that I never had a chance to make it happen. I have been trying a lot of way to make this thing happens in some alternative ways. It did make sense but along the way, some weird things happen that I felt like it's not really what I wanted in this life. I also felt like, I am just wasting my time doing irrelevant things. So before this life ends, I want to know my purpose in this life by means of searching myself first. Eventually, when I have found myself. Next thing is, Hello Happiness and Peaceful Life. While finding myself and my purpose in this world, the need of self divination is the most important thing for me. Without this being fulfilled, I would never find the happines that I deserve.
One day, I came across to this masterpiece by Elizabeth Gilbert, "EAT PRAY LOVE". I was able to read and understand the concept of the book. Somehow, we had something in common. Something that we want to find before the thing called, "Happiness" can be found. Some kind of a missing piece in me that I want to find that is way I am so filled with this thing to go on a journey and find myself. I can not differentiate what's right from wrong because of the fact that I am after for something that would benefit me as a person. The need to find myself is a feeling to be done. I do not want to be alone for more years. I do not want to live in misery crying each night because of unfulfilled vow. And most especially, I do not want to die without searching and finding my purpose in this so-called "LIFE".
Life is always telling me to do the right things. I am glad that I was able to grab this life and have the chance to love it. I was given this life to protect it from any kind of harm and to have it shielded from someone who wants to destroy it. The decision of a person speaks of who and what he/she is. It also speaks to him/her whether he/she loves the life that was given to him/her. How would someone say, he/she loves his life, if all the while, he/she smokes, drinks liquor, spends more of his/her time wasted. How would someone speaks about the love he/she has for life if he/she is busy doing worldly things. You know what I mean? How would someone possibly believes someone says he/she loves his/her life if he/she is taught of wrong things in the first place. See how it manages to destroy life if people are busy doing their own nasty things. They always believe that what they are doing is right for them. They were not told that what they were busy doing was immature and completely unacceptable. If you value your life just what you have always been saying, then speak for yourself. Do what is right and preach what you do. By then, God will guide you in preaching how to love life.
Life is giving me a roller-coaster ride thing from time to time especially when I am doing such irrelevant things. I am always stumbled to problems uneasy to face. And what worse, I break down in misery. I learned each day with all the things that are happening around me. I guard my own life. I value this life because God has given me a lot of chance to be happy amidst problems and failures in life itself. Share your life in its own essence and please make sure that you do the right things. It is not bad to do the things we want but we should set our limitations to what we do.
The search is not yet over. I will never find the happiness unless I am able to find myself. I will not give up life even though it takes me a lifetime to search for myself. I will always have the heart to understand what is happening with my life. Understanding the mysteries of life will help you understand the true meaning of it. I have the spirit and blessings of God to guide me in this so-called life. Thanks for reading. Love lots. :)
I did not know where to start with, how to deal with less important things and how to deliver a well-rounded life amidst problems being faced at that point in time. There were a lot of times in this life that I thought I would give up. It was that time after my father's death that I felt like I did not need to eat a lot. So, I had ulcer and took medication for like a month or two. Due to my father's death, I forgot to focus on my studies. I forgot that I had a life to care for. The thing is, I was haunted by the fact that I never gave myself a chance to be so close to my father. There were instances of failing some of my subjects when I was in Junior Year. And because of being preoccupied of my loss, there were a lot of tardiness in school. There were even a point that my mother had to go in school to talk to our school principal because of tardiness. My mother called my attention about it and she knew what I was going through. Instead of acting like an angry mother, she showed me mercy by talking things over. And we got things going. From then on, things went great as if nothing happened. I was able to pass my Junior Year and I had promised one thing to myself - "I will do my best and will make my own mark.". My senior year was my best year in high school getting a lot of recognition from my classmates, professors and mentors. New doors were opened for me to become who I wanted to be. And I succeeded in making my dream come true - "To Be The Best That I Can Be".
The quest for searching is now onboard. College was my epicenter of success as far as schooling is concerned. Thanks to all my mentors and professors in high school who made me feel special in my own way. They never doubted that I could become someone as witty as anybody else. I outsmarted my classmates in various aspects and I finished in Dean's List on my first and second years in college. On my Junior and Senior years, I was no longer part of the Dean's list elite students because I focused more on taking summer subjects. I was predicted to finish Cum Laude but due to bad circumstances, I wasn't able to fight for what was due for me. I had let them ruin my dream at that point in time. But of course, I should never put all the blame to them. What I should have asked by then was, "What have I done wrong?". The momentum was almost there but it was altered right at that very moment of trial. I felt like I was persecuted that I was deprived of my right to become happy and tell the world that I can truly become one great person in my own way. Some of my true friends were there to console me. I did my best to fight for my right but it was not enough. I did not fight till the very end. I am glad I was able to try though. I am glad to prove myself one good reason to smile - "God is always there guiding me wherever I am and whenever I need Him.".
Can you imagine life without love? I could when I was passing through the challenges I have had in my entire journey of education life. I knew for a fact at that early stage of my life that love is only given solely to my family and friends. Love for a special someone is the last resort I had in mind while taking that journey. I was up to the challenges and I had no time to think of love because I forsee love as something that you should not only feel but your other half; And that is the person that you're going to love.
I struggled myself finding myself a job; A job that I could call mine. I mean a job that is worth of my time. It took me a year to finally find a job. And the feeling of having one is like being in love in its own concept. The immeasurable thing that could happen while being in love with your job is the time when you learn to dislike what you're doing. I had 5 jobs so far in this life. And I think I am on the edge of losing the chance of finding myself to what I call, "Happiness". So, before this thing is gone, I told myself, "I wanna go to a place where I could marvel at some things. A peaceful place I never got the chance to go to." This need of fulfilling the search for myself and my happiness and it's lifetime purpose in this life is what I have been dying to do. It's just that I never had a chance to make it happen. I have been trying a lot of way to make this thing happens in some alternative ways. It did make sense but along the way, some weird things happen that I felt like it's not really what I wanted in this life. I also felt like, I am just wasting my time doing irrelevant things. So before this life ends, I want to know my purpose in this life by means of searching myself first. Eventually, when I have found myself. Next thing is, Hello Happiness and Peaceful Life. While finding myself and my purpose in this world, the need of self divination is the most important thing for me. Without this being fulfilled, I would never find the happines that I deserve.
One day, I came across to this masterpiece by Elizabeth Gilbert, "EAT PRAY LOVE". I was able to read and understand the concept of the book. Somehow, we had something in common. Something that we want to find before the thing called, "Happiness" can be found. Some kind of a missing piece in me that I want to find that is way I am so filled with this thing to go on a journey and find myself. I can not differentiate what's right from wrong because of the fact that I am after for something that would benefit me as a person. The need to find myself is a feeling to be done. I do not want to be alone for more years. I do not want to live in misery crying each night because of unfulfilled vow. And most especially, I do not want to die without searching and finding my purpose in this so-called "LIFE".
Life is always telling me to do the right things. I am glad that I was able to grab this life and have the chance to love it. I was given this life to protect it from any kind of harm and to have it shielded from someone who wants to destroy it. The decision of a person speaks of who and what he/she is. It also speaks to him/her whether he/she loves the life that was given to him/her. How would someone say, he/she loves his life, if all the while, he/she smokes, drinks liquor, spends more of his/her time wasted. How would someone speaks about the love he/she has for life if he/she is busy doing worldly things. You know what I mean? How would someone possibly believes someone says he/she loves his/her life if he/she is taught of wrong things in the first place. See how it manages to destroy life if people are busy doing their own nasty things. They always believe that what they are doing is right for them. They were not told that what they were busy doing was immature and completely unacceptable. If you value your life just what you have always been saying, then speak for yourself. Do what is right and preach what you do. By then, God will guide you in preaching how to love life.
Life is giving me a roller-coaster ride thing from time to time especially when I am doing such irrelevant things. I am always stumbled to problems uneasy to face. And what worse, I break down in misery. I learned each day with all the things that are happening around me. I guard my own life. I value this life because God has given me a lot of chance to be happy amidst problems and failures in life itself. Share your life in its own essence and please make sure that you do the right things. It is not bad to do the things we want but we should set our limitations to what we do.
The search is not yet over. I will never find the happiness unless I am able to find myself. I will not give up life even though it takes me a lifetime to search for myself. I will always have the heart to understand what is happening with my life. Understanding the mysteries of life will help you understand the true meaning of it. I have the spirit and blessings of God to guide me in this so-called life. Thanks for reading. Love lots. :)
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