A place called "Temporary Home" is where I am at right now. In this home, I prefer to sleep than going out of the house and talk to my neighbors. That was not my cup of tea since then. I chose this kind of life because of only one purpose - "to live alone and challenge myself to live alone". I would never thought that this could happen in the first place until one day, March 04, 2010 when I started my life here in Manila, Philippines living alone. Living a life on my own was really one of the hardest decisions of my life. New things had happened to me. New events in my life were forced to be done. New people had seen and met. This is like NEWS to me. News that keep on becoming part of my life. I made my own way to thinking that this is it. A start of something NEW in my life.
It was a big change in my life. I had to do and adapt to things that I had not done before. These things were like routines to me. In some way, I had to admit this has changed my way of life. Going back to my old life, there were no days I did those things. I was shocked and terrified but as the saying goes, "life must go on". As time passes, my first 2 months of life here in Manila, Philippines was not ideal at all. I had to buy my own stuff, eat outside, my clothes were taken cared of by a laundry shop nearby the house where I had stayed. I had to be strong. I had to.
I was thrilled by the fact that Manila, Philippines was not a good place to live in but because I had my purpose of going here that was why I had to try how it's like to have a life here. I was aware of some fools who will try to influence you to do beyond your will. But, as I always say, "I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul.". Nobody can dictate me just like that. I let them do what they want but I say, "don't mess up with me". So far, I have not failed myself and live my own decisions not to be influenced by other people.
It was not enough at all! It was not enough to be just strong to continue living my own life the way it should be. I have been living my own life for a year now. I was asking myself for months now, Was it really worth it going away from home and find myself here in Manila? I just knew the answer lately, a BIG NO! I was trying to find the answers though to all the questions I have in mind right now. Confusions, regrets, doubts, and other things contribute to these questions. When will I have the chance to find answers? Basically, I am doing a soul-searching for myself for 5 months now. I am even doing my life's roads now because I want to find myself and to find genuine happiness in this so-called life. Without this search within myself, I will never have a chance to have eternal happiness. I had to be stronger! Stronger as I could be!
Events had already happened. Things might have changed but things continue to happen in its own way. It's like I'm in a horror situation where I was being haunted by a psycho-killer in a movie. But hey, I was not born yesterday to live all in misery everyday. I have had my bad days. I still do. My family and friends are my supporters. They give me enough love and support to continue life despite everything. But there's one good thing about having this life - having God. He is always there to keep an eye on you. Whenever I needed help, He was there. He always shows me unconditional love because He is someone I can talk to anytime. Someone who will understand me in my loneliest, and saddest days. Beyond everything and everyone else, He is my everlasting guidance and mentor.
My faith in God has given me the best strength to continue my life despite difficult times. I leap my faith to Him. Every time I cry, my faith becomes stronger. My faith in Him is my only hope to have eternal happiness. Life isn't perfect but life could be better if we all live up to Him. Let us not forget to acknowledge our faults and weaknesses. I thank God each day for giving me endless time to think on things. God is simply the best. Just leap our faith to God and God will do the rest.
I might not be happiest person today but someday I am pretty sure I will hold on to my faith that life gives me the happiness that I deserve.
Until next time. Please read my next blog. It will be my NEW BEGINNING. :)
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