Is There A Good Place To Live After All?

This blog is something about the search for a so-called "PLACE". A good afternoon to everyone.

While writing this blog, I was actually thinking about this "Temporary Home". The truth is, every place for me is temporary. There was no place yet that I considered calling, "Permanent". I was asking that to myself for months now. I did even try putting ideas about this "Permanent Home Thing" I would want to create on my mind. But for now, it's like my mind is not absorbing the ideas because I feel like I am being bombarded with things I do not need. If I could just sort things out that easily, I would like to categorize things in my own little ways. 

I continue my quest of searching my purpose in life. While doing this, I am also thinking about living in a different place where I haven't gone through. Hard as you can try to understand but this is my own way of moving on. It might sound crazy for some or maybe lots of people but heck, this is what and who I am. I do not pity myself nor ask for your support. I just want you to understand why I am so damned different from the people you have known in your entire life. Believe me when I tell you, I don't remember myself when was the last time I saw myself happy and contented. This quest is all about self-searching, self-divinity and finding my own true happiness. 

And to start doing that, I am looking for this place. To tell you honestly, I have been searching this since high school. Sounds funny and weird but this was the whole truth being all ALONE. The question that is running in to my mind is, "Is there such a good place to live in?" A place I can call mine. A place I can be in complete peace. A place where I could start my NEW LIFE, a NEW BEGINNING, indeed. The answer to that question will be gathered soon. I say "gathered" because it is something to be collected then I just have to pick the right one later on. It might be a long journey for me to find that certain place but I know within myself, it is worth it to do such a thing. This will allow me to create something big I have never created before for myself. A wall where I can choose the passengers who cross. A hard thing to create because it takes a lifetime to do this. A LONG LONG JOURNEY THAT AWAITS A LIFE I CAN CALL MY OWN LIFE. 

A long journey it is that some people are not letting you to begin what you should begin doing. I could not fathom why there are people who keep coming back to my life. I made myself clear to them that I was not the right person. I am really not. But hey, they keep coming back. It's a like nightmare that keeps coming back whenever you sleep. I now understand that they really belong in my heart. Whatever I do, they have a special space inside my heart. There's a BIG HOLE that they fill inside my heart. No matter what I do, no matter how I try to ignore it, they are  up there telling me that I must not throw the good times. In my heart, one thing I can guarantee, they will always be part of me. Love for another person is way far the right answer to my questions. I must learn to love myself first before I could start learning to love someone else.

There are a lot of things at stake for me in this journey but it is a choice I have to make. And I just did. It might be a success or failure but as I say, I am better for trying my best to find my true happiness. I am better for taking a risk. Beyond risking, I will soon find the right place and the right door to "GENUINE HAPPINESS". It's a like a door next to mine right now. I know I am near it, it's just that I have a long way to go before reaching that goal. 

I just hope that one day or another, I will have it within my hands this so-called "HOME". That I would no longer run from some things. That I would accept my fate in this life that God has chosen me. That I would be able to find myself and be able to show the people that I am ready to love. That I would soon find happiness within me.

I will leave you guys with this song by Carrie Underwood that's filled with lessons. It has taught me to be more aware about my life. It has taught me to accept that the things we thought we knew ours are really not. It has to end that way. Learn as much as you wanted about life and its broad concept. From there, you will learn to understand and believe that there are  "LESSONS LEARNED".

There's some things that I regret,
Some words I wish had gone unsaid,
Some starts,
That had some bitter endings,
Been some bad times I've been through,
Damage I cannot undo,
Some things,
I wish I could do all all over again,
But it don't really matter,
Life gets that much harder,
It makes you that much stronger,
Oh, some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were,
Lessons learned.

[Chorus:]
And every tear that had to fall from my eyes,
Everyday I wondered how I'd get through the night,
Every change, life has thrown me,
I'm thankful, for every break in my heart,
I'm grateful, for every scar,
Some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were lessons learned.

There's mistakes that I have made,
Some chances I just threw away,
Some roads,
I never should've taken,
Been some signs I didn't see,
Hearts that I hurt needlessly,
Some wounds,
That I wish I could have one more chance to mend,
But it don't make no difference,
The past can't be rewritten,
You get the life you're given,
Oh, some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were,
Lessons learned.

[Chorus:]
And every tear that had to fall from my eyes,
Everyday I wondered how I'd get through the night,
Every change, life has thrown me,
I'm thankful, for every break in my heart,
I'm grateful, for every scar,
Some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were lessons learned.

And all the things that break you,
Are all the things that make you strong,
You can't change the past,
Cause it's gone,
And you just gotta move on,
Because it's all,
Lessons learned.

[Chorus:]
And every tear that had to fall from my eyes,
Everyday I wondered how I'd get through the night,
Every change, life has thrown me,
I'm thankful, for every break in my heart,
I'm grateful, for every scar,
Some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were lessons learned,
Oh, some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were lessons learned,
Lessons learned.

A Leap of Faith

A place called "Temporary Home" is where I am at right now. In this home, I prefer to sleep than going out of the house and talk to my neighbors. That was not my cup of tea since then. I chose this kind of life because of only one purpose - "to live alone and challenge myself to live alone". I would never thought that this could happen in the first place until one day, March 04, 2010 when I started my life here in Manila, Philippines living alone. Living a life on my own was really one of the hardest decisions of my life. New things had happened to me. New events in my life were forced to be done. New people had seen and met. This is like NEWS to me. News that keep on becoming part of my life. I made my own way to thinking that this is it. A start of something NEW in my life.

It was a big change in my life. I had to do and adapt to things that I had not done before. These things were like routines to me. In some way, I had to admit this has changed my way of life. Going back to my old life, there were no days I did those things. I was shocked and terrified but as the saying goes, "life must go on". As time passes, my first 2 months of life here in Manila, Philippines was not ideal at all. I had to buy my own stuff, eat outside, my clothes were taken cared of by a laundry shop nearby the house where I had stayed. I had to be strong. I had to.

I was thrilled by the fact that Manila, Philippines was not a good place to live in but because I had my purpose of going here that was why I had to try how it's like to have a life here. I was aware of some fools who will try to influence you to do beyond your will. But, as I always say, "I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul.". Nobody can dictate me just like that.  I let them do what they want but I say, "don't mess up with me". So far, I have not failed myself and live my own decisions not to be influenced by other people.

It was not enough at all! It was not enough to be just strong to continue living my own life the way it should be. I have been living my own life for a year now. I was asking myself for months now, Was it really worth it going away from home and find myself here in Manila? I just knew the answer lately, a BIG NO! I was trying to find the answers though to all the questions I have in mind right now. Confusions, regrets, doubts, and other things contribute to these questions. When will I have the chance to find answers? Basically, I am doing a soul-searching for myself for 5 months now. I am even doing my life's roads now because I want to find myself and to find genuine happiness in this so-called life. Without this search within myself, I will never have a chance to have eternal happiness. I had to be stronger! Stronger as I could be!

Events had already happened. Things might have changed but things continue to happen in its own way. It's like I'm in a horror situation where I was being haunted by a psycho-killer in a movie. But hey, I was not born yesterday to live all in misery everyday. I have had my bad days. I still do. My family and friends are my supporters. They give me enough love and support to continue life despite everything. But there's one good thing about having this life - having God. He is always there to keep an eye on you. Whenever I needed help, He was there. He always shows me unconditional love because He is someone I can talk to anytime. Someone who will understand me in my loneliest, and saddest days. Beyond everything and everyone else, He is my everlasting guidance and mentor.

My faith in God has given me the best strength to continue my life despite difficult times. I leap my faith to Him. Every time I cry, my faith becomes stronger. My faith in Him is my only hope to have eternal happiness. Life isn't perfect but life could be better if we all live up to Him. Let us not forget to acknowledge our faults and weaknesses. I thank God each day for giving me endless time to think on things. God is simply the best. Just leap our faith to God and God will do the rest.

I might not be happiest person today but someday I am pretty sure I will hold on to my faith that life gives me the happiness that I deserve.

Until next time. Please read my next blog. It will be my NEW BEGINNING. :)

A Lesson to Learn

I would like to start this blog by saying, "Hi, everyone!

While I am posting this, I remember the things/events happened in my life. Have I lived up to the expectations of my family and friends? Have I made the right choices and decisions so far? Am I being responsible for my actions?

I really make decisions of my own. Basically, I do not ask for help if I think I can handle it. As much as possible, I want to decide on my own because this is my life. I know that a lot of people want me to be happy and they give advices or some sort of encouraging words but my point of view and the last decision are on my hands. Thus, what is happening with my life is because of my decisions. Though there are times that my decisions are not the best ones, I say, "I am better for making my own decisions in life". The thing is I do not have someone to blame if I end up failing myself. It is only me to be blamed; No one else but me.

People have inspirations in life. On a regular basis, we see to it these inspirations have tried to make our life worthwhile. My family and friends are my inspirations in life. They are my precious gifts from God. They are my continuous hope in this so-called life. They are my endless strength. They are always there for me through my ups and downs. They always make me feel special and they won't let me down. Special thanks to my mother and father because without them, I will not be who I am today. And to you "E" for being always there for me. To my family, let's just stop selfishness but instead let's show love and support to each other. To my friends, I might not be the best in your list, but I did what I had to do to be a good friend to you.

I had been starting my "Life's Roads" for the past 5 months. And now, new paths and directions are created. Most likely, there are added ideas. I am so excited about these new ideas I have in mind. I am on the process of soul searching. I am searching for my own life's eternal happiness and contentment. I say, "No man is an island" and no man can walk away in his own story. But sometimes, I have to walk away from my own story for the meantime to contemplate on things. In this way, I can understand what needs to be done and what needs to be not. I add more discipline to my plans about my life by preparing the things needed in this "Life's Roads". I usually say "NO" to people that prevent me from preparing and expecting the best in my life. In this road I am pursuing for my life, I would say I am thinking about the big picture for me to be able to take good chances of having a much better life if not the best.

Life is really hard. I must admit that I have bad times and good times, easy and difficult times, happy and lonely times about my life. I can not do anything about it. It is how I manage to make my life happy. It is how I find ways on how to make my life happy in some ways. I am so thankful that despite difficult times in my life, excellent and delightful things happen to me. So, I always live my life each day with a simple thought that there are always good things to come my way. Life is constantly telling us, "BELIEVE".

FEUD will lead nobody to nothing but MISERY

Minds are really hard to read. The hardest to predict. They change easily. For now, it's like this, then all of a sudden, it's different. Hmm, hard to understand. There's no medical explanation to this or even science doesn't stand a chance to make us believe based on studies. Well, the hardest part of being a human is having the capability to think.

Come to think of it, if people don't grow, there's no feud, no chance to fight or make someone's life miserable. I started seeing people fight when I was in grade school. You can see people fighting each other in a lot of ways. They don't bother at all for as long as they get even. People are now evolving in attitude nowadays.

I keep asking myself, "Have I been a good person(a friend, brother, buddy, colleague, neighbor, and son of God)? I don't know what to say because I feel like I am no longer as good as I think I am. What I am certain is, I do things my own way and I don't ask for any advice to my actions. As much as possible, I want to hold and deal life in my own hands because I don't want to point fingers when something goes wrong. Have you asked yourself, "Have I become a good person?"

I can not even explain myself now because for the past two years, I felt like I've had bad times with people. It was not my intention to make a big deal on things. Let me put it this way, if people don't provoke me, there will be no feud on both parties. I say, I am too much of a thinker to words I say depending on the situation. But due to bad circumstances, there were words that came out on my mouth. It is my way of defending myself to bad criticisms and it is my way to fight back not to prolong a war but just to tell the world that I had to fight for my own sake.

Even with jokes, in my early years of my life, I was not to "joking stuff". Joking stuff for me is the one that I am now experiencing. It was not the kind of joke that I received with my family. I don't want to let somebody just stand there and do a lot of bad talk about me while I am sitting there and listen to that every word. I was not born yesterday to stay calm and stop myself further. I need to do something and say something; At least to defend myself with what I hear. So, FEUD starts there.

A long and bitter hostility between individuals is not a good example. I can not even say, it's normal in a Godliness sense. People have this in their system; A bad habit indeed. Who am I to judge? What I am just trying to say is, if somebody starts it, let the tongue finish it until it's tired. But if "it"(tongue) continues to throw bad things, I stand up and blurt out. My mother helped me to be a good person but if it's needed to defend myself with bad entities, I know when to speak up and fight.

I remember my past wall post in Facebook, If you say something bad things to somebody else, think first! If you keep saying bad things about a person behind his/her back, think twice. If you can not stop saying bad things about that same person, believe me, it will go back to you. You will never know, people start to hate you and they are doing the same thing to you; Not saying bad things but discussing the bad things you did. And this wall post answers it, "Karma" works on its own unpredictable schedule, so just simply STOP! Don't wait for your turn to be on the same position. I have had my bad days or weeks maybe with you but that's alright. It won't bring me down at all. I know for a fact that this life isn't only happiness and fun. I will find solace in this "hard world" as soon I get back on track. God, please help me to be stronger than before. :)

So, please stop making someone's life miserable. We have feuds, misunderstandings, indifferences but that just add flavor to our lives. As much as possible, choose the words to say because there are words that work and don't work with somebody else. Always remember that a feud will lead nobody to nothing but misery.

Thank you for reading till next time. :)