This blog is something about the search for a so-called "PLACE". A good afternoon to everyone.
While writing this blog, I was actually thinking about this "Temporary Home". The truth is, every place for me is temporary. There was no place yet that I considered calling, "Permanent". I was asking that to myself for months now. I did even try putting ideas about this "Permanent Home Thing" I would want to create on my mind. But for now, it's like my mind is not absorbing the ideas because I feel like I am being bombarded with things I do not need. If I could just sort things out that easily, I would like to categorize things in my own little ways.
I continue my quest of searching my purpose in life. While doing this, I am also thinking about living in a different place where I haven't gone through. Hard as you can try to understand but this is my own way of moving on. It might sound crazy for some or maybe lots of people but heck, this is what and who I am. I do not pity myself nor ask for your support. I just want you to understand why I am so damned different from the people you have known in your entire life. Believe me when I tell you, I don't remember myself when was the last time I saw myself happy and contented. This quest is all about self-searching, self-divinity and finding my own true happiness.
And to start doing that, I am looking for this place. To tell you honestly, I have been searching this since high school. Sounds funny and weird but this was the whole truth being all ALONE. The question that is running in to my mind is, "Is there such a good place to live in?" A place I can call mine. A place I can be in complete peace. A place where I could start my NEW LIFE, a NEW BEGINNING, indeed. The answer to that question will be gathered soon. I say "gathered" because it is something to be collected then I just have to pick the right one later on. It might be a long journey for me to find that certain place but I know within myself, it is worth it to do such a thing. This will allow me to create something big I have never created before for myself. A wall where I can choose the passengers who cross. A hard thing to create because it takes a lifetime to do this. A LONG LONG JOURNEY THAT AWAITS A LIFE I CAN CALL MY OWN LIFE.
A long journey it is that some people are not letting you to begin what you should begin doing. I could not fathom why there are people who keep coming back to my life. I made myself clear to them that I was not the right person. I am really not. But hey, they keep coming back. It's a like nightmare that keeps coming back whenever you sleep. I now understand that they really belong in my heart. Whatever I do, they have a special space inside my heart. There's a BIG HOLE that they fill inside my heart. No matter what I do, no matter how I try to ignore it, they are up there telling me that I must not throw the good times. In my heart, one thing I can guarantee, they will always be part of me. Love for another person is way far the right answer to my questions. I must learn to love myself first before I could start learning to love someone else.
There are a lot of things at stake for me in this journey but it is a choice I have to make. And I just did. It might be a success or failure but as I say, I am better for trying my best to find my true happiness. I am better for taking a risk. Beyond risking, I will soon find the right place and the right door to "GENUINE HAPPINESS". It's a like a door next to mine right now. I know I am near it, it's just that I have a long way to go before reaching that goal.
I just hope that one day or another, I will have it within my hands this so-called "HOME". That I would no longer run from some things. That I would accept my fate in this life that God has chosen me. That I would be able to find myself and be able to show the people that I am ready to love. That I would soon find happiness within me.
I will leave you guys with this song by Carrie Underwood that's filled with lessons. It has taught me to be more aware about my life. It has taught me to accept that the things we thought we knew ours are really not. It has to end that way. Learn as much as you wanted about life and its broad concept. From there, you will learn to understand and believe that there are "LESSONS LEARNED".
There's some things that I regret,
Some words I wish had gone unsaid,
Some starts,
That had some bitter endings,
Been some bad times I've been through,
Damage I cannot undo,
Some things,
I wish I could do all all over again,
But it don't really matter,
Life gets that much harder,
It makes you that much stronger,
Oh, some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were,
Lessons learned.
[Chorus:]
And every tear that had to fall from my eyes,
Everyday I wondered how I'd get through the night,
Every change, life has thrown me,
I'm thankful, for every break in my heart,
I'm grateful, for every scar,
Some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were lessons learned.
There's mistakes that I have made,
Some chances I just threw away,
Some roads,
I never should've taken,
Been some signs I didn't see,
Hearts that I hurt needlessly,
Some wounds,
That I wish I could have one more chance to mend,
But it don't make no difference,
The past can't be rewritten,
You get the life you're given,
Oh, some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were,
Lessons learned.
[Chorus:]
And every tear that had to fall from my eyes,
Everyday I wondered how I'd get through the night,
Every change, life has thrown me,
I'm thankful, for every break in my heart,
I'm grateful, for every scar,
Some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were lessons learned.
And all the things that break you,
Are all the things that make you strong,
You can't change the past,
Cause it's gone,
And you just gotta move on,
Because it's all,
Lessons learned.
[Chorus:]
And every tear that had to fall from my eyes,
Everyday I wondered how I'd get through the night,
Every change, life has thrown me,
I'm thankful, for every break in my heart,
I'm grateful, for every scar,
Some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were lessons learned,
Oh, some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were lessons learned,
Lessons learned.
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